Sunday, July 04, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Two Days...
In two days:
I will be holding him.
I will touch his little fingers that I already know.
I will smell his scent, and know he is of me, and is mine.
I will fret over his safety and comfort.
I will celebrate every poop, pee, blink, breath, and twitch.
I will be in awe of this little creature, no doubt!
I will trace his back and belly with my fingers, and hope he recognizes the pattern, and knows it's still me.
My breasts will become a source of nutrients, and be desired by a lil man like never before. heh.
My house will not be quiet. Perhaps ever again. :)
The lulling coos of Sadie snoring next to me will not be the only sounds of sleep.
Sleep may not even exist.
The laundry will never be completely done.
The kitchen may never be completely clean.
The dust bunnies may become new accessories and finally be in fashion!
My nails will start to weaken, and well groomed manicures will be a long gone thing in the past.
My hair will start to lose the thickness. (Note: I have CHERISHED the feeling of having almost 1/2 the thickness of the ponytail my beloved sister Tyia has naturally... and will continue to envy her luck of this gene forever, and will miss it dearly when my normal hair is back and I have a mere 1/8th of what she has.)
My belly will be floppy.
I will miss the little kicks and jabs and pokes and swipes of the life it once held inside.
I will miss feeling his hiccups and dancing jigs.
I will be able to sleep on my back again.
I will not have to pee every 13 minutes.
I will not have to eat every 120 minutes.
I will not have to prick my finger and monitor my sugar levels 4 times a day.
I will eat a starburst.
I will kiss his feet.
I will kiss his head.
I will kiss his belly.
I will kiss his elbows, and knees, and neck, and every little inch of him!
I will sing to him.
I will read to him.
I will rock with him.
I will cry, with tears of happiness, tears of fear, tears of sleep deprivation.
I will try, as hard as I can, to share and let someone else hold him, and know that he will be fine.
I will be sore, and will not think about it, because he will be sore too.
I will devour a brownie and drink a smoothie.
In two days, I will be a mother.
To a Son.
To my Son.
For eternity.
I will no longer be in the maternity club.
My waddle will slowly disappear.
I will be a lifelong member of the motherhood club.
I will develop eyes in the back of my head and lightning fast reflexes.
I will always sleep with one eye open and keep one ear turned in his direction.
I will learn so many new things, ways, feelings, joys, frustrations, and will grow.
I will grow every day, alongside with him.
We will walk this path together.
Will I remember what my life before him was like? I have already started to forget. He has already become my life. And I love my new life. I already love this new little life.
In two days, and I will meet the love of my life.
Two days.
Two days...
I will be holding him.
I will touch his little fingers that I already know.
I will smell his scent, and know he is of me, and is mine.
I will fret over his safety and comfort.
I will celebrate every poop, pee, blink, breath, and twitch.
I will be in awe of this little creature, no doubt!
I will trace his back and belly with my fingers, and hope he recognizes the pattern, and knows it's still me.
My breasts will become a source of nutrients, and be desired by a lil man like never before. heh.
My house will not be quiet. Perhaps ever again. :)
The lulling coos of Sadie snoring next to me will not be the only sounds of sleep.
Sleep may not even exist.
The laundry will never be completely done.
The kitchen may never be completely clean.
The dust bunnies may become new accessories and finally be in fashion!
My nails will start to weaken, and well groomed manicures will be a long gone thing in the past.
My hair will start to lose the thickness. (Note: I have CHERISHED the feeling of having almost 1/2 the thickness of the ponytail my beloved sister Tyia has naturally... and will continue to envy her luck of this gene forever, and will miss it dearly when my normal hair is back and I have a mere 1/8th of what she has.)
My belly will be floppy.
I will miss the little kicks and jabs and pokes and swipes of the life it once held inside.
I will miss feeling his hiccups and dancing jigs.
I will be able to sleep on my back again.
I will not have to pee every 13 minutes.
I will not have to eat every 120 minutes.
I will not have to prick my finger and monitor my sugar levels 4 times a day.
I will eat a starburst.
I will kiss his feet.
I will kiss his head.
I will kiss his belly.
I will kiss his elbows, and knees, and neck, and every little inch of him!
I will sing to him.
I will read to him.
I will rock with him.
I will cry, with tears of happiness, tears of fear, tears of sleep deprivation.
I will try, as hard as I can, to share and let someone else hold him, and know that he will be fine.
I will be sore, and will not think about it, because he will be sore too.
I will devour a brownie and drink a smoothie.
In two days, I will be a mother.
To a Son.
To my Son.
For eternity.
I will no longer be in the maternity club.
My waddle will slowly disappear.
I will be a lifelong member of the motherhood club.
I will develop eyes in the back of my head and lightning fast reflexes.
I will always sleep with one eye open and keep one ear turned in his direction.
I will learn so many new things, ways, feelings, joys, frustrations, and will grow.
I will grow every day, alongside with him.
We will walk this path together.
Will I remember what my life before him was like? I have already started to forget. He has already become my life. And I love my new life. I already love this new little life.
In two days, and I will meet the love of my life.
Two days.
Two days...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Are our bags really ready?
My bag is packed.
I think.
I keep going through it, adding more, taking more out, switching items. Switching totes. Switching totes again. Do I use a small suitcase? Do I use two small totes? Do I use the sling bag Ty brought me from Hawaii? How much is too much, and how little is too little?
A new nightgown and robe Mom and I purchased while she was here.
Socks and panties.
Nursing bras.
Lotion and toiletries.
Camera charger and extra batteries.
A sudoku book.
Aromatherapy oils and diffuser.
MP3 player loaded with sounds of nature, meditation, and reggae.
Disposable breast pads.
Pen and paper.
Hard sugar free candy.
Magazine (that Ty and Mom will wrestle over for sure!)
Burts Bees lip balm. Two of them.
Slippers (Nikki's Thanksgiving gift from a few years ago continues to get GREAT use!!!)
His bag is packed:
A receiving blanket hand crocheted by his Grandma (thanks Mom).
Two onesies.
Mittens.
A hat (with Iron On prints from the shower provided by his Auntie Samantha and decorated by his Aunt Tyia)
Baby book and Ink to capture his foot and hand prints.
Two diapers, with little cut outs to protect his sensitive umbilical cord.
Did I do this right?
I hope so...
I think.
I keep going through it, adding more, taking more out, switching items. Switching totes. Switching totes again. Do I use a small suitcase? Do I use two small totes? Do I use the sling bag Ty brought me from Hawaii? How much is too much, and how little is too little?
A new nightgown and robe Mom and I purchased while she was here.
Socks and panties.
Nursing bras.
Lotion and toiletries.
Camera charger and extra batteries.
A sudoku book.
Aromatherapy oils and diffuser.
MP3 player loaded with sounds of nature, meditation, and reggae.
Disposable breast pads.
Pen and paper.
Hard sugar free candy.
Magazine (that Ty and Mom will wrestle over for sure!)
Burts Bees lip balm. Two of them.
Slippers (Nikki's Thanksgiving gift from a few years ago continues to get GREAT use!!!)
His bag is packed:
A receiving blanket hand crocheted by his Grandma (thanks Mom).
Two onesies.
Mittens.
A hat (with Iron On prints from the shower provided by his Auntie Samantha and decorated by his Aunt Tyia)
Baby book and Ink to capture his foot and hand prints.
Two diapers, with little cut outs to protect his sensitive umbilical cord.
Did I do this right?
I hope so...
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tick Tock..
I'm starting to understand what women meant by "that last month"... I honestly do not believe my skin can stretch any further. Seriously. My belly is numb. And as hard as I try, it is impossible to "suck in" or take the pressure off.
He moves much stronger - everyday. Sometimes it tickles beyond belief. Sometimes it feels like my entire insides are made of nothing by "funny bone" lining. And sometimes, he kicks or punches in just the right spot that makes me double over. He gets up under my right rib and rubs it and I swear sometimes he is trying to do chin ups with it. :)
I have to pee all the time. ALL the time. As soon as I get my pants done back up and hands washed, I am ready to go again. It feels like I just drank 6 iced teas, but I don't release more than a shot glass worth.
I waddle when I walk. And with every step it feels like my tail bone wags. Like my pelvic cavity is a gigantic water balloon sloshing with each swaying movement. My hips feel soft, like there is no strong support where my bones move in the sockets. My feet feel miles away. My back is sore and I become tired quickly. It is bizarre!!!
I've been really good with the diet since Gestational Diabetes came on, and it's helped with the swelling. And I try to move slowly, and not often to keep the Braxton Hicks away... but they seem to keep coming more frequently and stronger, no matter what I do, or don't do.
Sleep, although this is the #1 recommendation from everyone, is not so easy to come by. No matter how many pillows I have, or positions I try, it is impossible to get comfortable. :) Poor Rich, when he was home last weekend, he was such a trooper. There's not very much room for him in the bed with all the pillows. And he says I snore now. He used to say I "purred", but now.... I snore. No matter what angle or position or elevation I'm in. :)
My little man will be here soon. His room is not ready. This house is still not unpacked. He still does not have a name. I want to read more books, take more classes, observe more parents so I do this right. I hope he will know that I love him, and will do the very best I can. I hope this will be enough, because I want the world for him. He is quickly becoming my world.
We have an appointment with Dr. B tomorrow. We'll do another ultrasound to see how much he's grown since the last one. Measure his body parts - femur, head, umbilical cord, weight estimates, see what position he is in, discuss all the options, and select the date for us to be induced. June 7 or June 12 were the dates last time. I've had 3 days with high glucose values, so I'm afraid it might be June 7th. I hope he's ready. There is a huge part of me that wishes we could wait... until he was ready. Until my water broke and I got to say "honey, it's time" and go through the natural course of childbirth. It seems strange, to pick a date and "plan" when he will arrive. It will probably be the last time of our existence where he is controlled. :) Nonetheless, we are still crossing our fingers it will be a successful induction and we get to have a natural birth, opposed to a c-section. Fingers crossed indeed.
I'm a bundle of nerves tonight. Filled with fear, anxiety, excitement, panic, and love. I know everything will be fine. This has been an amazing experience, and will only continue to be so...
He moves much stronger - everyday. Sometimes it tickles beyond belief. Sometimes it feels like my entire insides are made of nothing by "funny bone" lining. And sometimes, he kicks or punches in just the right spot that makes me double over. He gets up under my right rib and rubs it and I swear sometimes he is trying to do chin ups with it. :)
I have to pee all the time. ALL the time. As soon as I get my pants done back up and hands washed, I am ready to go again. It feels like I just drank 6 iced teas, but I don't release more than a shot glass worth.
I waddle when I walk. And with every step it feels like my tail bone wags. Like my pelvic cavity is a gigantic water balloon sloshing with each swaying movement. My hips feel soft, like there is no strong support where my bones move in the sockets. My feet feel miles away. My back is sore and I become tired quickly. It is bizarre!!!
I've been really good with the diet since Gestational Diabetes came on, and it's helped with the swelling. And I try to move slowly, and not often to keep the Braxton Hicks away... but they seem to keep coming more frequently and stronger, no matter what I do, or don't do.
Sleep, although this is the #1 recommendation from everyone, is not so easy to come by. No matter how many pillows I have, or positions I try, it is impossible to get comfortable. :) Poor Rich, when he was home last weekend, he was such a trooper. There's not very much room for him in the bed with all the pillows. And he says I snore now. He used to say I "purred", but now.... I snore. No matter what angle or position or elevation I'm in. :)
My little man will be here soon. His room is not ready. This house is still not unpacked. He still does not have a name. I want to read more books, take more classes, observe more parents so I do this right. I hope he will know that I love him, and will do the very best I can. I hope this will be enough, because I want the world for him. He is quickly becoming my world.
We have an appointment with Dr. B tomorrow. We'll do another ultrasound to see how much he's grown since the last one. Measure his body parts - femur, head, umbilical cord, weight estimates, see what position he is in, discuss all the options, and select the date for us to be induced. June 7 or June 12 were the dates last time. I've had 3 days with high glucose values, so I'm afraid it might be June 7th. I hope he's ready. There is a huge part of me that wishes we could wait... until he was ready. Until my water broke and I got to say "honey, it's time" and go through the natural course of childbirth. It seems strange, to pick a date and "plan" when he will arrive. It will probably be the last time of our existence where he is controlled. :) Nonetheless, we are still crossing our fingers it will be a successful induction and we get to have a natural birth, opposed to a c-section. Fingers crossed indeed.
I'm a bundle of nerves tonight. Filled with fear, anxiety, excitement, panic, and love. I know everything will be fine. This has been an amazing experience, and will only continue to be so...
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Pre Natal Massages are the BEST!!!
THere are still so many boxes that need unpacked. They line the hallways, the doorways, the closet paths, fill the corners of every room... and we have less than FOUR weeks before he is here!!! Yikes!!! :)
But today was a good day - I took a break from unpacking and doing dishes and general home stuff and went to my little sleepy beach town Encinitas for a very, VERY, relaxing pre-natal massage - courtesy of Rich as my first Mother's Day gift. :)
Melissa at Indigo Dragon was fantastic. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner!!! She had ocean music playing the entire time, and actually fell asleep on the table... TWICE!!! For a girl who doesn't sleep for more than 2 hours without waking up these days, lemme tell you how big of an accomplishment that is!!! When I was done, I felt like I was floating... I promised myself I would go again - right after my maternity leave starts and before I am induced. It will be a big help for me to transition from "work mode" and get prepared for "mother mode"... and it was just to fabulous to not do.
Before heading home, I stopped by Beacons to watch the surfers and continue the peaceful feeling. I can't stop smiling. I am bursting with happiness. Everything is right in my world, and so beautiful.
One last stop at Trader Joes for some nutrients and I made it back home to my beloved Sadie. After a delicious dinner of eggplant and spicy Italian sausage with a side garden salad made with fresh basil and grape tomatoes and crumbled gorgonzola and walnuts, we headed upstairs to cuddle and watch some TV. I watched her more than the glowing screen. It's been EONS since we've been able to just sit and snuggle. She is such a great companion. My shadow, my loyal friend. I wish I could help her understand what is about to happen, so she would know that everything is ok and this is a good thing... but something tells me that she already know this, and that we're all going to get along just fine.
I am so excited for this weekend! We are doing the Lamaze crash course to help prepare us for this birth. It will take all day Saturday and Sunday and in the evenings we'll be putting the house together. Rich got the call from Babies R Us today that the crib arrived so we get to build it too and officially start assembling the nursery! I'm so excited!!!!
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